I got a text from my Mom on April 4th, late at night when I was watching a movie with Sam. I told her to pause.
Dennie had died. I was shocked. Grandma Evie is 89 and her 65 year old son died of an immediate heart attack while walking on the beach with his wife. He had recently retired. He lived a very quiet and peaceful life with his wife, Malou.
I didn’t know him well. He was Evie’s son from her first marriage. While she has been my Grandma all my life, as she was married to Grandpa Gene before I was born, we didn’t see Dennie a lot.
Anyway. His funeral service was scheduled on my birthday up in Santa Cruz. My Mom immediately was so sad to miss our planned cabana and massage day we had with Sam going on. And I thought about it but I really felt I wanted to go to support Evie. I also didn’t want to have the day without Mom, that would have been no fun.
And it’s just a birthday. I had a big party last year. Hopefully I will have 50 more birthdays.
So Sam changed her plans to keep doing her school stuff and then we changed my Rogers Garden’s brunch – sadly they didn’t have any open times later – but whatever, someday I will get there – and voila, Mom got me a plane flight and just upgraded her hotel room.
The night before, there was a band playing in Costa Mesa that Dan was SO in love with. Angie invited me down and the group of us enjoyed the music. I called it my birthday celebration! Ang’s step-brother had come up from San Diego and this was my first time really chatting with him. His mother died a few days before so he was looking for distraction so I did my best! It was a fun evening.
We flew out early morning. I met Mom and Wendy at SNA. Super easy flight.
We met Uncle Craig and Aunt Tiana at the San Jose airport. They ordered the rental car and had it all ready. So easy! The drive was a little trafficky into Santa Cruz but we had a nice time chatting.
Oh, one funny story… Craig tried to leave the parking garage and she asked for his drivers license and it was expired! Tiana drove but we spent the next 24 hours teasing him that he wouldn’t be allowed into the plane. We couldn’t figure out why they didn’t stop him from going through TSA but we figured out later they don’t really care if it’s expired. You have to have a valid license to drive but an ID card still works to travel.
Malou had done up the posterboards so nice. She had 5 or 6 of them. She said it was so easy because she took from all of Mom’s yearly calendars she did for them.
The viewing parlor was gorgeous. So many flowers. Mom had ordered some from us but she wasn’t sure which ones.
Dennie had an open casket the evening before so it was still open until Malou came in and insisted it be shut.
We paid our respects.
So creepy. Sigh. I feel such a disassociated unatttached feeling when I saw him. It just makes me think of me skipping Danny’s funeral and my sister telling me his “eyeballs were sunken in”.
I did look at Dennie’s eyes and they looked fine.
I am so weird.
More beautiful photos.
The.. totally blanking on what it’s called… the whatever was very beautiful too. Will I remember the name in 30 minutes? Maybe. The schedule? It’s 6 hours later but nope. If I AI it, it will figure it out.
My cousin Nichol drove up with her Mom, and then she had to take an Uber directly after to get home to see her son in his softball game. It was nice of her to drive. We sat next to each other and had a heart attack when the Catholic priest kept calling Malou “Mary Lou”.
He was 15m late. And then he called her Mary Lou. And then he talked all about Dennie’s addictions – which he mastered! – which that was the ONE THING Evie didn’t want talked about. And he totally did.
Although we realized that they called her Mary Lou at her work, so Nichol and I calmed down a bit. But still. I almost stood up and said something. It was close!
The music was lovely. Malou’s community really showed up for her and they had live Filipino music and it was gorgeous.
And then Malou got up and said some nice words. This was after the priest just ended things and didn’t ask if anyone wanted to speak. This priest was terrible!
Which Evie did. She had a whole printed speech.
But thankfully. Malou got up and said some beautiful things. She is heartbroken.
But then Evie got Craig (the 2nd oldest of the Williams siblings) to march her up to the podium so she could speak.
She said maybe Dennie had a few demons – which all of us have – but he beat them.
And Evie was sure to say that he was up in heaven right now. Which contradicts what the Catholics think, so that was a bit of drama. But anyway, it all ended well.
But it was still a little crazy.
The lunch was so nice. The siblings all sat outside and Malou and all her community were inside. Her community – all teachers – were SO NICE. They had the most beautiful lunch (I had brought my food) but everyone was raving about it.
Malou was so sweet, she kept saying happy birthday to me. She also kept calling me Nichol but honestly, I think we’ve only met like 3 times, so totally okay.
We spent about 90 minutes hanging out with some of Evie’s old friends who showed up too. It was really nice.
What struck me was that my Mom has the best relationship with her siblings. They are in a text group for Wordle every day. They go on yearly trips together. They just have FUN together. There is a little drama but when is there not?
They all had complicated feelings with Dennie too, I think. I think Dennie spent more time with their Dad then they did. But we were all there to support Evie.
We always make sure to take a sibling photo whenever they are together. In order from youngest to oldest. Mom is turning 70 this year and I think they are all about 2 years apart.
We then went to the hotel to chill out a bit. We actually first stopped for coffee to make it through the afternoon.
Mmm, cappuccino. It was so good. It was funny, the coffee shop had Independent Trading sweatshirts so Wendy introduced herself. haha. So hilarious to find her products in random stores.
Malou wanted us to see the garden that Dennie loved being in. It was such a beautiful garden. Gorgeous flowers. Some of them started flowering after he died which made Malou so sad. They have a super tiny cute house 4 blocks away from the beach.
But she was such a lovely hostess. She didn’t want to come out to dinner with us – she was DONE – but we hung out for about 45 minutes enjoying the backyard.
It’s SO sad that Dennie was able to stop drinking a few years back, retired in August, and died 9 months later. Really makes you think!
We headed over to the dinner spot that Wendy found. So fun! And it was prom around town so there were SO many adorable groups of high schoolers all dressed up. Awww.
I loved being with my family on my birthday! While it was a sad day – and my Grandma Evie is heartbroken – she powered through the whole day – I enjoyed myself. I was so happy to be with my Mom and her siblings.
They toasted me and then reminded me of the funny stories when I was young. My Mom was 25 when she had me and after her and my Dad split up, she went to live with her Mom and Wendy. And all the kids were always around, helping with me. They enjoyed reminding me of it.
We had a lovely dinner and then I made plans to meet Alli!
I have complicated feelings about it but not with her – and I couldn’t miss the chance to meet her since I was in town. I just got out of a 6 week coaching group that was SO impactful and beautiful and the two other women were not available to join us so we made plans together.
I requested live music, thinking my aunts would join me – but it became apparent they would not so Alli kept switching up the place when I told her I didn’t care and was just going for the company. haha
Super cute brewery!
We gave each other a big hug when we saw each other and then I bought her a drink. Once the drink was purchased, I informed her that it was actually my birthday and then she was mad and wanted to buy me a drink. haha
We enjoyed two drinks – and by that time it was actually my third. She knew SO many people there and a few kept coming up to her.
She suggested a sojourn so we went on an adventure.
I saw the Adventure sign and insisted on taking a photo in front of it. Adventure never fails!! I also had to rip out my contacts at some point, they were driving me batty.
4th drink was a little dicey. I’m vain and drunk so my glasses were hidden AND I have crazy drunk smile going on. Alli wore the leather pants I suggested she buy and she looked amazing in them. I might have to buy myself a pair.
Alli and I spent at least 4 hours having wonderful conversation. The complicated feelings still sit with me AND I treasure the fact that we got to meet and have such a great time together. I will embrace both feelings.
I did get us an Uber home and dropped her off first. I don’t CLEARLY remember the last hour.
The night was entertaining. I think I crawled in bed close to 1am. My Mom was passed out. All was well.
Even though we were all together for a sad reason, I think it was the perfect birthday.
We got up and went to the airport around 8am, I think.
There was an AI robot manning the help desk and my Mom and Uncle Craig talked to him for awhile. hahah – Hilarious.
And that was Santa Cruz. A memorable birthday.
