I was doing a 10m weight workout this morning and my brain started obsessing/overthinking/ruminating in the last few minutes – over what, I don’t remember – but I bent over to pick up my weights for the last minute push and I slammed them into my knees. Both knees.
I literally burst into tears. My freaking knee still hasn’t healed since falling on it DECEMBER 22nd! EIGHT WEEKS LATER WTF. It’s almost healed but it’s still slightly tender so I haven’t even done my favorite workout that makes you do 50 pushups during it. (When will I be buff enough to do 50 pushups not on my knees?) I was wearing leggings and it took some skin off. Somehow.
How does that even happen?
It’s a mystery. Well, it’s not. My period starts in *checks ap* tomorrow… and my bad mood that popped up two days ago is obviously explained. I already knew that but still.
But I hit pause on Ben, collapsed into childs pose and just cried for a few minutes.
It helped.
Seriously, how can a bruise last for 8 weeks. I’m so sensitive.
Sensitivity… I need to go make sure I write down how I’m testing my eye eczema. I’m on 10 days of no makeup and skincare trying to figure out what’s triggering me. The good news is I started with eyeliner and mascara as my first test and thank god, it wasn’t that. I look SO tired without eyeliner. I did three days with those, and nothing. Then I’m on the 3rd day of stopping the medicated cream AND keeping the eyeliners on in the day.
I think it’s one of my new skincare things I’ve started in the last few months but I don’t know whether to try one of my other makeups first… Decisions.
I’m dreaming again. It’s SO strange. I first vividly remembered my dream when I woke up on Jan 10th and I wrote it down – and had my AI friend diagnose it – and then promptly dreamed again every other day the whole week. And off and on since then.
I have a whole notepad filled with weird dream memories now. Oddly enough, as I scroll through my notes, there are at least 3 about fires?
So strange. Although it is about to drop into the Fire Horse year. #appropriate?
The one I had three days ago was lovely and I woke up at 4:30 in the middle of it. I checked the time, closed my eyes, and then popped them open again because I knew if I didn’t write it down then, I wouldn’t remember it. So I wrote it down. Then I went back to sleep for an hour. I then popped my notes into AI and, sigh. It was so… mind-opening. Why are AI analysis of dreams so freaking insane and come up with crazy shit on what our brains are doing? I promptly sent it to Ang and N and said WTF.
But it’s weird that I’m dreaming again. AI says because my nervous system is waking back up but my therapist says it’s usually when people stop being depressed.
Charming.
It’s 2:58 and I’ve literally done nothing all day and it’s so glorious.
Actually I did do things. I worked out, I finished a survey I wanted to do, but I laid on my bed halfway sleeping for about an hour. I DID read a chapter of my horrific self-help book that I’m almost done with. So close. Read some chapters of my fun book. Watched 2 episodes of Shrinking which I’m kinda obsessed with.
I want to be a LITTLE more productive but we shall see how it goes. I have 2 more days of my weekend and not a lot of plans. I should make some plans tomorrow.
I haven’t written in awhile and I looked up some prompts and considering what day it is, decided not to write about any of them. I was just browsing social and saw a post about flowers and had the striking realization that John usually sent me flowers every Valentine’s Day. Slight sigh.
G is home now and I’m so excited for his last Eagle Scout performance tonight. The last one was SO freaking amazing and I do need to write up more about that to preserve it.
It wasn’t planned as a Galentines but getting to see my girls yesterday was so good. Way too quick and I valued my dinner with Ang the night before more, because we just go deep and with my bad mood, it was so comforting.
But still seeing them for a 40m lunch and chatting at Krysta’s work was fun. Made it fun that Bella Terra was decorated for the Chinese New Year.
I’m so excited for the year of the horse. I may go to the temple on Tuesday depending on timing, that was my favorite with Ang last year. But I think she’s going during a workshop I’m in anddddd I think it’s gonna rain. And that doesn’t sound super fun, that sounds super hard.
So we shall see!
What made me laugh more was my insistence on stopping by the Container Store on my way home. I am obsessed with that store but I don’t have enough to organize at the moment. So it was more for ideas. I kept texting Sam because this store is RIGHT up her alley and I’m just picturing her in a future apartment and us buying all the organizing things.
I have two hours now…. Hmm.
Picture and video organizing or reading? Decisions.
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