It’s a Tuesday and I’m reluctant to write but needing to anyway. I had three prompt images that I saved for December and I dislike all of them but choose the least annoying.
Unrealistic expectations to release.
This is a painful one. This requires some soul searching that I absolutely don’t want to do but here I am, setting a timer for 15 minutes and forcing myself to type. Helpful that I had assistance with this question earlier today.
The most important one sticking out at me is the secret game I play in my mind, waiting for certain things to happen. If option A happens, then that means it’s a success and the universe likes it… but if option B happens, it’s a fail and it gives me a legitimate reason to be unhappy. It’s a nasty game I play and I know it because what am I doing? I’m setting myself up for disappointment.
That family gatherings will be perfect, uninterrupted, and give me an amazing emotional high. These freaking moments will always be messy and complex and contain a multitude of horrible, lovely, frustrating, and joyful feelings. And those small perfect moments that could happen don’t fix everything. Or anything really.
That people will have the perfect response when I raise hard issues. I can only control my own decisions to speak up and I can only control the clarity of my message. Other peoples reactions are their responsibility, not mine.
That people will figure out what I need or read my mind when I’m struggling. This is a hard one too. It is my responsibility to start conversations about my emotional needs and I have to actively communicate when I need empathy… or support… or connection.
I don’t know if I will ever learn that one.
I asked AI to make me an image that had chaotic lines and colors on it with a ball of blue light in the bottom corner. I think it did well!
I should release the expectation that AI will help me perfectly. ha. It does a darn good job though!
Why is it so hard to say what I want? To know what I want?
Or why is it so hard to know what I want but be afraid to ask for it? Do I deserve it? Why can’t I be happy with what I have?
How an I improve this in the New Year?
Baby steps.
Comments on this entry are closed.