Today was move-in day.
I feel melancholy.
I’m so so so very happy that she’s healthy, happy, excited, and joyous to be back at her school. Her new apartment-style dorm is so spacious. There are a few issues with roommates but she’s not too bothered.
Move-in was so smooth. She was already there because of AGD work-week and was sleeping on a friend’s couch. I left at 7:15. J left at 7:45. Sam arrived at 8:45, did one unload from her car and by the time I was parking, she was back for the 2nd load and stuff in my car.
We did the same thing two more times.
Ally arrived and I had a text from her Mom that was so sweet. Her Mom ended up not flying down (Ally told her not too and the older sister was moving out from her apartment) but the Mom was feeling bad and wanted me to give Ally some “Mom love” which I was only too happy to do. I did the UPS run with Ally and then when she realized she didn’t have her mattress protector, I did a quick trip to Target and somehow got $200 worth of “stuff”.
Maybe not needed but it was appreciated from both of them. They said so multiple times which was sweet.
Sam was starting to stress out that she needed to be somewhere for work-week and politely shooed me out of the dorm with her.
It was fine. All fine.
I have what every single other parent is suffering with as their kids wander off to college. This gut-wrenching wrecked feeling of happiness and sadness.
I want to go cry on a friend but I don’t want to do that. I want a person to snuggle with but I’m not feeling it. I’m happy I’m alone and yet unhappy.
I did take the time to sit in silence, go to the beach in La Jolla, do a meditation, and put my feet in the ocean. I’m taking deep breathes.
It’s all fine and I’m sad. Bittersweet roommates.
I’m going to keep breathing it in and sitting with it.
What a season.
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