Kart

I’m so crabby.

I’m so done with this hospital.

It’s been 6 full days here. Will we leave on the 7th?

I’m terrible at Mario Kart.

I lost at Five Crowns.

I’m so fucking irritated at everything.

I don’t want to talk to anyone.

Everyone is pissing me off.

Except Sam.

I’m putting on a smile and faking it. Although I’m a terrible faker. Everyone knows that.

I downloaded a stupid fake emoji pet that I have to keep alive by doing self-care. Literally one of the goals for the day can be, “Literally survive the day”. I’ve worked out, I’ve meditated, I drank water, I laid on the floor, I laid on the bed, I stared at my computer and didn’t work, I actually DID do some work.

I wanted to stab J because he was vaguebooking and not fucking telling me what was happening and then I refused to answer him. And then I got to the hospital and he had the wall, the pillows, and the chair. Freaking leave or give me something.

Sam is overtired from visitors, and that’s our own mothers.

I’m so crabby.

I’m so done.

I’m so fucking irritated.

At least my child is watching her iPad so I can technically put myself to bed and be grumpy in the corner.

And they moved us again. But this is an official single room, we are in some type of quarantine room. Which, fine.

They did give me an actual sheet for the couch bed. Which is better.

I’m so crabby.

And OH MY GOD there is a ticking clock in this room. It’s like my phobia. My horrible nightmare. It’s going to tick all night.

I’m so done.

And I pulled a card today. I had to laugh so I didn’t cry.

It’s been… two weeks… since I’ve pulled a card? And I held them, and shuffled them, spread them on the table, and ran my hands up and down the cards waiting for inspiration.

One card called to me but I hesitated. I went for the card under it.

Sorrow.

“Cup of sadness, the dark river of tears, and the purple flowers of grief”

“Hit rock bottom of depression”

But it is a time of “emotional catharsis and purification as you pour your sorrow out” and the light and palm are symbolizing my “emotional resurrection.”

“I’m going to let go, and release, knowing all things must pass.”

Well, fuck.

But of course, I was curious.

The card I didn’t pull? Again, from Cups, the emotional state.

Love.

WTF universe.