I went and looked at my other prompts for December.
Intentions said: “How you are a different person from the start of the year’
Umm… nope! I mean, I COULD go somewhere with that.. but tonight? No.
Evening said: “A setback from the year you overcame and what it taught you”.…
Oh god, no.
Haven’t achieved said: “An ordinary, everyday conversation you remember.”
That’s actually tempting. That would be fun.
But OMG, I can write for hours about “a soft, comforting texture”. And sure, let’s make it about gratitude. Even better.
I am such a texture girl.
A cozy blanket. A white, weighted blanket.
My red M&M pillow.
My fuzzy green sweater. That’s now going in the trash because all the fuzz came off, but I digress.
But what I love most is my fidget toys.
I am such a fidgeter. I always have been. In school I would always chew on my pen caps, it was so comforting. If there are toothpicks, watch out, I will chew on them for hours until I force myself to throw it away.
But my comfort rocks are probably my favorite soothing texture.
These are just the ones that are within reach at the moment.
My red and white glass heart I’ve had for years. J and I were on a trip to Cambria and i found it in a little glass shop. I don’t know if he bought it for me or if I bought it myself but I know it’s from that trip. It’s so smooth and fits just right in my palm, and I can rub it gently back and forth and it’s soothing. I have dropped it a few times so it’s chipped at the bottom, which is a bummer. But even the chip is soothing. I flip it back and forth in my hand and go smooth to chippy. I just like it.
The small red heart was part of a gift from something from Etsy in the last two years. It was a “gift with purchase” and this little tiny heart just fits in three fingers so perfectly. It sometimes slips out of my grasp but it’s tiny, and the crease in the heart has a little indent in it that feels just weird enough when I’m talking on the phone and need something to distract myself with.
The white half moon Sam got for me on her trip to… dang it, where did she go. It was so sweet though, I love that she saw the moon and thought of me. It’s almost too tiny but the moon curves around one of my fingers perfectly when I clench my hand together so it’s nice sometimes.
The spring and round are so fun to flip around. My index finger fits perfectly in the ring and it flips around and around and is a bit mindless.
Saving the best for last, my emotional support rock (Sodalite!) that I picked up in Laguna Beach in June serves multiple purposes for me. One, it brings me peace.
I choose my peace. I repeat to myself… Ha.
But I generally take a nice deep breath and think about peace, self-acceptance, and self trust. It’s also SO smooth and shiny on one side, and is calming. I unfortunately dropped it – i drop everything, argh – and it’s chipped at the end now. It’s not as satisfying a chip as my red-white swirly heart. That one is really rough. This one is almost like sand, it feels like if I rub it enough, it will come apart so I treat it quite gently.
But my magnets. Oooh, my magnets are so fun. My Mama got me them for my birthday this year. We were at Joey’s Kitchen in Fashion Island which she swore we had been there but we realized we had not! It was such a fun place. She gave me the cutest blue dress and these magnets were also in the bag. They were so many and so fun that I ended up taking half of them and giving them to G. And at least once a week I think about going in his room and finding where they are and taking then back.. because I looked on amazon and can’t find ones just like it. But these are so fun.
I have an uneven amount so I’m constantly swirling them in my hands, flipping the top one over to the other column.
The texture is so smooth. They are shiny. They feel like the ocean worked on them for a hundred years and only stopped when they were perfect. They chase each other across my palms like tiny planets obeying invisible rules and sometimes I force them to do my bidding and they refuse.
I love magnets.
The way they snap at me is so satisfying.
Sometimes I wonder what people think when they hear the clicking sounds. And I have to hold them up so they are in view so they know I’m just fidgeting.
But they are the babysitter to my nervous system and I love them so much.
Instead of searching G’s room maybe I will actually ask him for them at some point, like an actual grownup.
I’m such a texture person.
Maybe someday I’ll write about setbacks and transformations. Tonight, I’ll just click my magnets together, rub my favorite stone, and call that growth.
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