I have been feeling a little insane lately for songs playing over and over again in my head. Like, incessantly. Something happens, or I get a line of a song in my head, and suddenly I just can’t stop singing it.
So yeah. Thanks Ryan Tedder! Can’t get ya out of my head right now.
Anyway.
I apologized to Sam tonight.
I’m fairly terrible at apologizing. There was someone who was so good at it and I was always so astounded, like oh, it seems so easy for you.
It should be easy to apologize. I simply… don’t like to do it? Can’t do it? (That’s wrong) Just really intensely, hate, doing it.
WOW, I just realized. I actually did it twice today. I apologized to Lauren.
I don’t know if that one counts though. Because I apologized to Lauren while copying TWO people hoping to shame them for THEIR idiotic negligence of their job. I didn’t think to check over them so I apologized because I did not and now I will do that next time. So that one felt a little bitchy.
But this one – hmm. I’m not really sorry for what I did. She had severe health issues the last few days and we had her email her Doctor. So, she sent us a text and said she would be in class without her phone for 2 hours and then her doctor emailed back and LITERALLY – I do not think he read her email.
He does that.
She talked all about how there was blood in her urine (side tangent, I’ve gotten really good about spelling urine this week? I could not spell that before…) and what does he do? He calls out a super weird fact she talked about and said something about how her throat probably hurt from a cold and we would wait for her stool test. I’m sorry, what? Can you please address the fact she asked you about why she’s peeing blood and if she should take the antibiotics or not?
So yeah, I got angry. I replied with very pointed comments and following back up. He just wasn’t concerned. And maybe that’s how it’s going to happen, it’s not concerning – we are still in the middle of it – but yes, I replied.
We had two back-and-forths, and then he said he would call Sam directly so I didn’t reply anymore. We had her call back the urgent care and then email her GP through MyChart.
Anyway, Sam calls me tonight and asks to be put on speaker, and says, I love you but Navabi called – this is what he said – and he’s not going to talk to you guys anymore. You aren’t allowed to be on the email chain.
hahaha
To be fair, J started it. And he was sooo much worse. But this was last time. I guess we just trade off. But that was fair. And fine. And then J asked Sam if she was okay with that because if she wasn’t, we could find another doctor. LOL
I was so proud of her! She said she didn’t want to get into it with us. J made a joke, which was annoying (for her) – it’s annoying how sometimes I’m on the side of his jokes when it’s not directed at me.
Sigh.
Anyway, I WAS very proud of her. Her voice was very even, she said she loved us, but this was how it was going to be. And then she wanted to go have dinner because she felt terrible. After J made his joke, I did throw in a “Did he even READ your first email?” and she said, I don’t want to get into it!
And J and I agreed that usually it feels like he goes back and really reads her files after we press him on things.
Which is annoying. Sigh.
There was more but I finished dinner and thought about it. And thought I should apologize to her.
And I really kept thinking about it. Why is it so hard to even text those words? I wanted to do it without thinking about it but I had to keep thinking about it.
And I feel proud of myself I did text her. Without an excuse because I know – NOW – that it isn’t an apology if I have an excuse in it. I said thank you for telling us. I’m sorry I emailed him. Thank you for being nice about it.
I could email Navabi. Hmm. Do I want to do that? Not really. Would it be nice? Maybe.
I’m going to keep obsessing over how it’s so hard to apologize.
But I’m going to accept I am fierce and not wrong for caring and love my baby. And am able to apologize to her.
Only to her, apparently.
Maybe G sometimes too.
But I’m okay with that.
Picture of shitty urine results because I don’t have anything else interesting in my camera roll.
