Three more years

I feel such a void watching the news. As does everyone.

So much pain and overwhelm.

My brother and sister-in-law live in Edina, MN, and I’ve kept sending them crazy text messages. My sister-in-law is not working at this moment so she’s literally driving people to work – who are too scared to take the bus even if they are citizens. She’s making whistles and putting together care packages. She’s picking up groceries and delivering them. I’ve sent money for her neighbor’s daycare provider whose husband was sent away and she’s 7 months pregnant and now needs grocery money and lawyers.

And I kept watching the headlines today. I don’t even want to watch the video of Alex Pretti being murdered.

And my Persian friends, their cries and posts about Iran right now.

And Venezuela. And Greenland.

We have 3 more years to go.

And it’s not going to get better. We will survive it but seeing what happens is not going to be pretty.

I love hearing the things people are doing. It makes me feel better. I want to do more but I’m not sure what, it’s so hard figuring it out. Especially when I am wanting to take care of myself as my first priority.

At the very least it makes me feel better to repost things on social media. So others know how I feel. So others feel inspired to speak up.

I shared an ‘Abolish ICE’ post from someone today and then Sammie reshared it. My kids are watching. That makes me feel better.

This hits me in my stomach. There is a pit that swells and feels big and goes right up into my throat. I want to know more information but then I don’t want to know.

I don’t want to watch the video of Renee Good. I don’t want to watch the video of Alex Pretti. But I want our leaders to do something. How can people watch the same thing and take two opposite views from it?

I don’t know what I’m protecting myself from. Maybe the helplessness? It feels paralyzing.

This feels so familiar to the defeat of 2016 and the first year of 2017.

I don’t know what to do with any of this, I just needed to state it. Distracting myself feels bad sometimes but I’m going to let myself be okay with that too.